BeerDorks.com: Reviews, Commentary and Opinions on Midwest Craft Beer and Microbreweries

 
March 25, 2008

Beer Diary:

An Open Letter Of Advice To New Holland Brewing Company

Re: Suing the asses off of those shit beer producers in St. Louis, Missouri
by Eddie Glick

I like my beer like my women: pale, strong, full-bodied, and extremely bitter.
Contact Eddie»
Dear New Holland Brewing:

I was in my local beer store recently and I saw a six-pack of Sun Dog, with the description underneath the title stating “Amber Wheat.” At first I thought this was a new variation on your excellent Sundog Amber Ale. Intrigued, I lifted a bottle out of the pack, but upon noticing “Anheuser-Busch” printed on the label (and the overproduced artwork), I immediately let the bottle fall back into its place and went in search of a real beer.

Since you are craft brewers I realize you are probably interested in making great beer instead of litigation. I also realize that you probably don’t have a team of lawyers on hand to take on a giant corporation like Anheuser-Busch. But, even though I am not a practicing lawyer and do not even have a law degree—let alone a college degree—I would like to advise you to sue those sonsabitches so hard that their collective cloacae bleed.

I implore you with all sincerity, sue those douchebags with such force that by the time you’re done you’ll own Shamu.
Now I must admit that I have not even tasted this Sun Dog Amber Wheat. Frankly, I and the other Beer Dorks have far too many hand-crafted, independently produced Midwest beers we’ve yet to try, and, what with my parents being on a rather limited budget, I would rather not give their money to a company that pays lip service to the craft brewing industry while spending millions of dollars to run ads trying to convince people their piss in a glass is better than craft beer. But, please, don’t let that fact adulterate my appeal to take those shit-beer producing pricks to court.

I know you are extremely busy brewing great craft beer, so I won’t take up more of your time. But, in closing, I implore you with all sincerity, sue those douchebags with such force that by the time you’re done you’ll own Shamu. Thank you.

Sincerely,


Edward G. Glick

P.S. It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway: for those of you reading this, please don’t pay money for this Sun Dog Amber Wheat crap. Thank you.



Drinkin’ And Thinkin’

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