BeerDorks.com: Reviews, Commentary and Opinions on Midwest Craft Beer and Microbreweries

 
September 14, 2015

Beer Diary:

Our Take on the Lagunitas-Heineken Deal

Fuck Lagunitas.
by Eddie Glick

I like my beer like my women: pale, strong, full-bodied, and extremely bitter.
Contact Eddie»
California craft brewer Lagunitas announced last week that they agreed to sell a 50 percent stake of their company to global shit beer producer Heineken. The initial rumor floating around the interwebs pegged the moolah exchanging hands at a billion dollars.

My take? Fuck Lagunitas. I never drank their overhyped beer in the first place, and there’s even less of a reason to drink it now. The only thing that made them stand out from the crowd of just-another-California-brewery was their double-entendre named beers, which were probably funny if you happened to be stoned. I suppose you could argue that selling out to Heineken is slightly better than Bud or Miller (“They use all malt!” Lagunitas Executive Chairman/pothead Tony Magee whines defensively on a preemptive don’t-hate-us-we’re-still-craft Beer Advocate post), but that’d be like arguing that dog shit was slightly more appealing than horse shit.

To recap: Fuck Lagunitas.
So, to recap, fuck Lagunitas. There are plenty of locally brewed, better tasting beers out there we’d rather buy instead. Give me an Off Color, a Fulton, a Lake Louie, a Three Floyds, a Shorts. Give me something brewed by the non-distributing brewpub down the street. Chances are their IPA or imperial stout or saison is just as good as what Lagunitas or any other brewery out there is doing, so why not drink their stuff instead? Besides, we really don’t need any more skunked Heineken taking up precious shelf space in our local bars and bottle shops.

FUCK. THEM.



Drinkin’ And Thinkin’

Beer Dorks News

Want to know how healthy the craft beer industry is? As always, look to Portland. Craft pioneer Bridgeport announces sudden closure, adding to a growing list of PDX casualties.
Did Anheuser-Busch Chicago offer their shit beer to Cody Parkey before his missed field goal? Because that may explain why he "accidentally" biffed it.
Chicago now has the most breweries of any city in the country. Other things Chicago has the most of: murders, mobsters, and Ditkas.
Trying to spin it positive, BA releases end of year graphic. Only 5% growth in the craft sector when nearly 1000 new breweries opened? That's a collapse waiting to happen.
R.I.P. Tallgrass... another casualty as the regional/national craft beer market continues to get squeezed.
Wait... Constellation Brands cut all of the Ballast Point and Funky Buddha sales staff? They merged it with their Corona/Modelo staff?? We're SHOCKED!!!
Pizza Beer founder crying about failure of company, blames everyone else. Reminder, the beer tasted like vomit. Try having better ideas or making better products so you're not a failure.
It's Bud Light so doesn't really matter, but we expect this beer to be sitting around for awhile.
Indiana brewery to open with controversial beer names to "get the conversation going". Translation: taking advantage of serious issues for free publicity.
Hundreds of amazing beers in Wisconsin and the Cubs took back the one everyone drinks just because it exists and people have heard of it. How fitting...