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November 26, 2010
Beer Diary:
The 2010 BeerDorks.com Gift Giving Guide
In the spirit of the season, either buy some of this crap or go screw yourself.by Eddie Glick
They say the perfect give you can give this holiday season is beer. You may be surprised to hear that I disagree. I don’t like receiving beer as a gift—unless it’s from a highly informed giver—for a couple of reasons. One, my beer fridge is normally packed to capacity. Which means any new, unplanned influx of beer (i.e. like a gift from a relative) will usually end up getting relegated to the food fridge upstairs. Where there’s a very good chance one of Ma and Slick’s creepy friends will drink it while I’m
Two, as a beer dork, I’m pretty persnickety about what kind of beers I allow in the basement. Yeah, I know it’s kind of a lame move to look a gift beer in the bottle neck, but I tend—very strongly—to stick with Midwest-brewed stuff, so unless it’s something I really like or really want to try, I’d rather not have that sixer of Fat Tire cluttering up the fridge.
Thirdly, I’ve had on more than one occasion clueless acquaintances say, “I bought you some of that micro beer you like!” as they hand me a six-pack of Leinie’s Honey Weiss or some tasteless shit brewed by Michelob.
So, if you’ve got some beer dorks on your gift-giving list—and I’ve successfully persuaded you to not buy them beer—and you’re now at a loss at what to get them, I present to you (get it?) the 2010 BeerDorks.com Gift Giving Guide. Or GGG for short:
For The Baby In Your Life
I Love Beer Brewing Baby BibEveryone knows the only things babies like better than the taste of beer is telling the world they love brewing it.
buy it now »
For Your Girlfriend/Wife
Gold Complete Beer Equipment KitBecause if your female significant other doesn’t already brew, she should.
buy it now »
Beer Stein PurseWhat better way to tote around all the female unmentionables and beer money?
buy it now »
Zable™ Sterling Silver Beer Mug Bead/CharmThis is so cool that if I ever had a girlfriend, I’d buy it for her.
buy it now »
For Your Boyfriend/Husband
Beer Bottle Belly RingOr you can get two so he can wear them in his nipple piercings like Franz.
buy it now »
For People Who Wear Clothes
Beer Dorks Black TWearing one of these will make you look cooler than a cucumber. Just ask the only three people who bought one: me, Nigel, and Jug.
buy it now »
For People Who Wear Underwear
Eddie Glick Autographed ThongHey, Mary McChester of North Haverbrook, California! How do you like your one-size-fits-all BeerDorks.com thong?
buy it now »
For People With Computers … Or TVs
Beer Wars DVDA movie everyone should see. So buy it on DVD before the medium becomes obsole- … shit, too late.
buy it now »
Beer Mouse PadOnce the mouse goes obsolete you can still hang this on your wall as art.
buy it now »
For People Who Like To Hang Out In The Bathroom For Extended Sits
All About Beer MagazineIt’s socially acceptable to read about beer while on the toilet, but not to drink beer while on the toilet. Remember that.
buy it now »
Imbibe MagazineNot just about beer, but their beer articles are extremely well informed. Their holiday gift giving guide is great, too.
buy it now »
For People Who Like To Wash Their Hands After Hanging Out In The Bathroom For Extended Sits
Winter Lager Beer Soap—Made with Sam Adams Winter LagerI’ve used this stuff. It really does get your hands clean, but, more importantly, it really does smell like beer.
buy it now »
For Jerks With "Smart" Phones
Protective Vinyl Skin DecalI’m not calling you a jerk, Dear Reader. I’m calling your friends and relatives jerks.
buy it now »
For People Who Know How To Read
The Brewmaster’s TableGarrett Oliver
If you don’t have this incredibly informative and entertaining book, you should buy a copy for yourself, too. Assuming you can read.
buy it now »
Beer and PhilosophySteven D. Hales
A great way to learn about classic philosophical principles, and to help argue with shit beer-defending assholes.
buy it now »
For The Home Brewer
Refractometer for Measuring Sugar Content for BeerIf your home brewer is still using a hydrometer like a Neanderthal … or me.
buy it now »
BrewMaster Draft Beer Dispenser With Stainless Steel DoorHow the Hell else do you get your beer into a glass? Just suck it out of the fermenter with a long-ass straw?
buy it now »